Less Money, More Problems

I am now officially close to financial ruin. Just got a call from my car insurance people, saying my coverage has been cancelled because they didn't get their payment, which I don't have the money for now anyway. What the hell! I am a poor man on a reporter's salary, these people can take their collection notices and redecorate their bathrooms with them. Whoever it was that said 'Pimpin ain't easy' wasn't joking around.

The karaoke showdown was a bust this weekend. Word on the street is that due to a freak wisdom tooth surgery, the karaoke host was unable to perform her duties, leaving myself and my entourage alone in the cold. No songs were sung, and departing news hound Jack was forced to ride off into the sunset without a serenade. Dark feelings of anger and frustration were the norm of the evening.

And now I go to prepare for an all-night marathon of deadline writing, my typical Monday-night-Tuesday-morning. Do I have money to put gas in my truck? I'm not sure, but dammit if I'm not going to try. I have a small arsenal in my closet, perhaps I could put it to good use and roll some homeless people downtown for loose change. What this boy needs is a sugar mama, people. Anyone know of any good-looking female doctors/attorneys/movie stars/politicians that are in need of some love?

I'm firing on one cylinder. It may be time to hit up the plasma center, and once again open my veins in the name of staying financially afloat in an economy saturated by greedheads and Bush-regime fatcats. I'm trying to sound like HST. I'll stop that now.

Any other ideas for a feasible source of income? Mark, is your pizza route open? Cross your fingers, kids.